February Reflections

I look back on this month, and boy, has it been intense. I felt like God promised us that this year would be a year we would look back on and see great growth - in our family, spiritually, etc. - but at the same time, it would be very challenging for us.

We embrace that ... but the honest truth is, we probably embrace it with a bit of "Oh Lord, help us!" I know to take that word and run with it will mean that we will face times that will not be easy by any stretch of the imagination, but will be for our very best.

Waiting.

I think that encompasses a great deal of this month.

We re-listed the house. The honest truth? We listed it hoping things might move more quickly. Timing seems right, and we were encouraged by several different people from different areas of our life that said now was a good time. But still, although we have had a few showings, nothing serious come of it yet. And it is so so hard not to feel really down.

Waiting.

We have a desire for a new ministry to be birthed - one that has been on our hearts for a long long time. But, the last two months were filled with waiting to see whether now was the time. Or more waiting.

Waiting.

And then by chance, my morning devotion time: I read a chapter on waiting today. = ) Not chance, really. And all things I knew, but it was a good kickinthepants for my attitude. Will I embrace this waiting period with grace? faith? a good attitude? looking to serve others while I wait? still looking to grow? Or will I become apathetic and frustrated? That is SO NOT what I want to be!

Eli and I were talking on Tuesday night, and both of us had been convicted by the Lord to really use however much longer we have in this home to make a difference. In our neighborhood. The honest truth is we never really have. We "know" our neighbors, but not well. We say hi, but we've never had them over for a meal. We've taken Christmas treats over the years, but have we ever offered to pray with them during a hard time? The reality is we haven't. It's a hard look in the mirror.

My tendency would be to beat myself up over this. And I can't go there. Grace.Faith.Good.Attitude.Hope. That must be what I embrace. Change. And so we have a barbeque planned with one household for the soonest warm weekend. And Eli is planning to invite our single older neighbor over for dinner in the next couple weeks. I so long for transformation in my life. I'm willing to embrace the conviction and repent, so that I can grow.

The waiting???

I can't say that it feels great at the time. But it serves a purpose - whether or not I can see that purpose myself. But Someone else sees the bigger picture and the greater purpose. And a life without faith challenges really isn't a Christian life, because isn't faith the integral piece? I still might have my moments when I want to complain, and actually do! Or let my tears get the better of me. Yup. But I'm looking for growth. And that means I won't hang out in the low moments, I will seek to lift my eyes up.