Apologies Due

(Warning: this is a "venting" post)

I feel like I need to apologize to every single woman that I know that has ever been pregnant and had any morning sickness symptoms! My pregnancy with Jonah had a few days of not feeling great, but overall, was pretty good! I kept working full-time, was super excited, and everything (at least as far as I remember!) felt pretty good.

Reuben's had some more rough days. Of course, I've sort of blocked them out. But I've looked back at things I wrote ... and I wrote that I felt pretty sick during the first trimester!

And then, fast-forward to present: OH MY.

This third pregnancy has given me a big 'ole slap in the face! Although most mornings are okay, nearly every day is steady decline. Nausea gets worse, and I often end up in bed or on the couch. Basically out of order. I started taking anti-nausea medicine as soon as it got bad, and have continued to do so. But then this week the throwing up started. And it didn't seem to matter if I had taken medicine or not. Some days I haven't even kept saltines down. Good grief!

It is tough. I hate feeling sick, but I hate being sick. Not able to wrestle around with the boys. Not able to cook dinner, get into projects, go on a date with Eli. Exercise sounds like a joke most days. And there is nothing I can do. Fight through the moments. Ask the boys to snuggle by me as much as they can tolerate. Gratefully accept my family's help any time they have offered it. Sigh.

Not that I haven't believed other women and their claims of morning sickness. But, my compassion level should have been exponentially higher! To feel like this - and for such an extended time - has been hard to get through. It's hard to think that it could go on.

I miss my friends. It feels so isolating to be here alone most of the time! I miss laughing with Eli and boys and being silly with them. I do my best to muster all I have for my hours at work ... and then am often wiped for the rest of the day. It is lonely on the couch. The nausea is almost as mentally exhausting as physically. You start to wonder what is wrong with yourself. You start to feel like you're going slightly insane.

And so, I hope I never downplay another's morning sickness. Give them all the love and support one person can give. And, by faith, remind them that it won't last forever - because it sure feels like it sometimes!