Re-Learning to Unload

This week has been a heavy hitter. Reuben finally recovered from all his fevers, so that Jonah could suffer after him for a few days. We ended up with an ear infection with little Matthias - making it for nearly two weeks straight with somebody having a fever. OH MY. I feel like dunking my entire house in Lysol.

Eli and I have expressed over and over to each how thankful we are that we have had nothing. nothing. Completely healthy - which is only a miracle, considering that the boys passed that virus between the three of them. We tag-teamed it like crazy, so that I could still teach my classes, and he could still work like normal. Thinking of last weekend when we had hours together - just the two of us - seems like a dream, almost.

And then we have been dealing with a crisis of a serious nature. Not us personally, but people connected to us. Leaving us with a nearly two hour meeting with police officers yesterday. By the end of Thursday and Friday, I told Eli that I felt like I had been giving giving giving out. I had nothing left. Holding a sad 1 year old, trying to keep the two older busy, working on text and phone calls about this situation. I fell into bed last night by 8:45 ... spent.

And I realized that throughout this week, I had been loading myself up. Taking on other people's burdens. Just packing it on top of everything else I carry each day.

Not meant to be.

I can care for them. I can even help all that I can help. But I cannot take their burdens upon myself. Or else I will falter under them. I remember back when I decided to go into social work, and those around me asked if I really could do it! I was the person who cried about animals being hit by a car, who mourned over news of orphans ... would working with abuse and foster children crush me?

And yet, I wanted to do it. I felt called to go there. And it didn't. I learned how to help, but not become overcome with the problems of this world. To give them to One whose shoulders are much bigger than mine. But, I think, I am having to re-learn this. Or learn it in a deeper way this week.

How I wish I could save those I love and care about! My heart breaks as we wrestle to do what is right, but realize we cannot save. We can only do so much and I cannot, cannot, as much as I would like, convince other people to do the right thing. They have to do it themselves.

I am working to re-learn my job description = ) To be a wife, a mother, a teacher to my children, an excellent employee, and help to who needs it ... but to try and release myself from the pressure to try and save. To find peace in being led by my Shepherd. To find rest today and let Him restore my soul.